Retarded rapist

Retarded rapist,

Normally I would have started my letter with "dear" but you are definitely not dear to me or deserve any bit of politeness. You are not even fit to be classified as an animal, forget about belonging to my species. Even animals don't pin one of their own and force themselves in. So what are you?

In my species, we have a unique gift - mind along with a conscience that helps us decide what is wrong or right. Sorry to say, but you don't have either. Probably you never had them (which surprises me because you were born out of the body of some woman who belongs to my species) or you lost them while mutating into the rapist species. I guess you are finding it very satisfying or even somewhat glorifying to be made a separate species unto yourself. Tell me, are you happy? Is it the same happiness or joy you get while you are shoving yourself into the body of a helpless girl (yeah, that's what we call them in my species. Nope, not an object or thing but a "girl" who has a life and feelings and emotions... in short things you won't understand)? Do you feel any emotions?

Perhaps you are thinking - "What's the big deal in this? I have my d!@k and she has her thing, aren't they meant to go together? Ain't I doing the normal thing?" Well, let me try to get down to your level and try to help you understand (which I'm not sure you have the remote ability to do because you don't have a mind in the first place... but I'll still try because you were born out of one of my species). There's a thing called "consent", which of course you won't get now but try to think of it in terms of your thing. If someone were to ask you - "Can I cut off your d!@k?", you would obviously say no. That asking part is called "consent". If someone bypasses that question and just goes ahead with the cutting part then how would you feel? Probably intense pain but probably not violated because you don't know what violation means. When you force yourself into her, without her consent, she feels that pain along with the violation because human beings respect one another and every one of us has their own private space. Probably, I lost you in that previous sentence when I was talking about "respect" and "private space". Just assume that they are concepts more important than your d!@k that's hanging down there, probably in shame because even it did not expect to be used in this way.

Perhaps you are now thinking - "She was the one who wandered into that desolate area dressed in short clothes. I am a man and she provoked me, so it's her fault. Plus she needed to be taught a lesson." First of all, you are not a "man". So dare you try to call yourself one of my own. Second point, you are the one who got provoked and acted. You start by staring at her and then proceed to ogle her. You've already invaded her privacy at this stage. Still not satisfied, you decide it's up to your supreme authority to teach her a lesson. Why? Who gave you that authority? Every person in my species has a mind of his/her own, so keep your lesson to yourself. You are so pathetic that you get these urges and so weak that you cannot curb those urges. What makes you think that having a d!@k gives you the right to act in such retarded ways? Look the other way if you are feeling provoked. Or go home and use your hand. It's your problem and your fault.

You won't understand "rights" and "freedom" so I won't even go there. But please don't get married with one of my species. You are not fit to be a husband or a father. Those roles need responsible, matured and caring men, not a rapist like you. Of course your curriculum vitae would grow bigger if you land up in those roles. It will read something like this - Year XXX1: Raped a stranger; Year XXX2: Raped wife; Year XXX3: Raped daughter. It flummoxes me to even think that you came out of a woman's body. Poor woman who carried you around and nurtured you for 9 months, if not more.

I'm not sure where evolution is headed but surely your species won't survive for long. Not because of some law or cruel punishment (you are obviously not afraid of those because nothing has changed since the Nirbhaya case even after all the policy changes and death-penalty announcements). Your species won't last long because we men and women will educate ourselves and our kids. Not what to wear, but how to think and behave and listen to our conscience. We will empower them with sex-education and gender-awareness so that they don't mutate into your species. We will teach them how to empathize and care. We will treat them as we would like them to treat others. We will make a "good samaritan law" which would encourage men and women to come together against rapists like you without worrying about getting harassed. We will make sure that you are the one who is the social outcast, not your victim.

Sounds too philosophical? Trust me, the work has already begun and people are getting fed up of your acts. That's why I am writing this letter to you and my friends are getting angry on your actions. When we attain the critical mass, you should run with your d!@k in your hand because you won't have a place in my society at that moment.

- A human

Going back

Will I return to India once I finish my higher studies in US? This has been a topic of much discussion ever since I came to the US in 2007. Initially my friends and relatives were more concerned about this than me and kept on probing me. My stand was very clear - I will definitely go back to India after I am done! They laughed and professed that I will stay here forever once I am here for 5 years. They said it would be hard to adjust to the chaos and inefficient system in India if I return after 5-6 years. I brushed off their concerns saying that if I can adjust to a foreign place, culture and system without any problem, then I can definitely "adjust" and be comfortable in the country where I have grown up and spent 25 years! I failed to understand why this was such a hard concept to grasp! After my Masters degree, I saw some of my friends return to India. I was very happy to see them go back. It gave a boost to my conviction to return back to India. I started my PhD program in 2009, strongly determined to return back as soon as I graduated. I saw some more friends leave lucrative jobs in US and take up jobs in India. My resolution to return became even stronger. My parents, relatives and friends were in India. I was visiting them every year and every time I craved to stay more. That is enough reason to go back! Right? The answer to this question was "Definitely right!" till 2012 but now it has turned into a "Maybe"! Smiling faces of people who had told me that I will change my mind after 5 years were grinning now and saying "we had told you!." Were they actually right? Is it really the case that I cannot adjust with the Indian system anymore or is it the case that I do not want to adjust? Is it actually about staying in US or is it about not returning to India? What about the love for my parents, relatives and families? Was I lying all this time that I will go back to India? Why don't I want to go back? 

It is true that a place changes a lot in 5 years. I have seen Delhi (the place where I grew up) change every time I go back for a visit. This time when I visited India in the winters of 2012, I was still determined to come back to India for good after my PhD. So I was scouting for possible jobs related to my research area. I met many interesting people and became aware of interesting opportunities. However, academic opportunities aside, I was shocked by the cultural and moral degradation of the society. I am not a moral police (popular for thrashing couples enjoying quiet moments in the park... nope that's not me) or nor do I claim myself to be an epitome of morality. But I do respect human beings and give them the politeness they deserve. I wasn't expecting Delhi to be a chart-topper in this aspect but I wasn't expecting it to fall off the chart completely!

The day after I landed in Delhi, I had my visa interview at the US embassy for renewing my visa. I was helping my taxi park at a designated spot that had been identified by a security guard. As my taxi was positioning itself to occupy the spot, a white luxury sedan zipped in and parked in my spot, almost running over my feet. I knocked on the window to get the driver's attention. The driver, a "gentleman" in his early 30's dressed in formal attire (he looked like a CEO of some company), stepped out and started abusing me - "teri gadi hai yeh bh* ch*? haath kaise lagaya toone?" ("Is this your car? How dare you touch it?"). I was taken aback but I tried to reason with him and looked around trying to find the security guard. He was standing at a distance, trying not to get involved in the whole mess. The driver retorted even angrily now - "tu guard hai? teri himmat kaise hui meri gadi mei haath lagaane ki?" ("Are you the person in charge of parking? How dare you touch my car?"). At this point, I saw this conversation going in two directions - I could just shut up, walk away and do my business calmly OR keep on arguing with this dumbhead and risk getting shot (pretty much every person in Delhi is some politician's someone and has a gun that is used to end arguments.... no this is not my figment of imagination but the actual state of things). I chose visa-stamping instead of getting shot. So I shut-up and went away. My friend later said that this was usual and I found it alarming because I had lived in US for too long. He suggested that I would get used to it if I lived in Delhi again. Fortunately, my wife and her sister were not there. Who knows what humiliation they might have had to suffer if they were at the scene (it's a different story that while I was having this argument, the coffee shop they were sitting in nearby forced them to buy a mineral water bottle worth Rs. 80/- because the staff had not clarified that it was not complimentary and not the usual Rs. 15/- either).

This brings me to my next experience. After wrapping up my business in Delhi, I went to visit my parents in Kolkata. While I was there, the Nirbhaya rape case happened in Delhi. Rapes had become a daily thing, especially in the north. There was no age based discrimination. 3 year olds were being raped every week in addition to the usual teenagers and young adults. The police and government blamed the females for provoking men to rape them (a 3 year girl provoking, really!?). Skimpy attire was blamed. Rapists roamed around freely, proud that they had taught the females a "lesson" for not adhering to the social norms of dressing "properly". There was a section of the society which blamed Nirbhaya and her male friend for daring to watch a movie together at night and then taking a bus back home. Their arguments gave a thumbs-up to the rapists. This is not a singular case, neither is the reaction. I used to work in a multinational software company in Gurgaon till 2007 and it discouraged females from staying late in office as it would get unsafe for them on their way back home. This atmosphere of panic and fear was further fanned by the stance taken by the various government officials and police. Whenever a female was raped, she was ridiculed and asked embarrassing questions by these authorities that tried to find fault in what the girl was wearing or doing. It's a different story that none of the accused were ever punished. After the Nirbhaya case, there were mass protests all across the nation. The government passed a law that increased the punishment of rapists. Everyone rejoiced but the rapists raped some more females and went about their daily business. Nothing changed. To come back to my point, in Delhi (and other northern bordering areas) any girl could be raped any moment, irrespective of their attire. Is this a healthy atmosphere to live in? You never know if your wife, sister, daughter, mother will return home safely or not. I still remember my horrified reaction when I heard about this incident. I was startled by the hypocrisy of the so called "cultured" society that prayed in front of female deities but still objectified and disrespected women. While the "system" was busy saving the rapists, it was also making sure parents of young girls were not spared. Take the Talwars' case in Noida. 5 years ago their daughter and domestic help were found murdered inside the house. The case has been dragging on till now and the parents have been jailed. When I read the detailed account of this incident and the injustice that had happened, only one thought ran through my mind - this could have been any parent! I started reconsidering my decision to return back. I certainly did not want to expose my wife and family to those uncivilized animals in the streets and the paranoia of disrespect. Was I overreacting because I had stayed in US for 5 years?

Now, there are still lots of good people around and I had many wonderful experiences - both of remote rural and urban India. But I am left wondering what to do about the vulnerability of human life and eternal fear in the minds of women on a daily basis. My friends who had returned back to India are still there. Another close friend recently returned after staying in the US for 10+ years. They are all doing fine (at least they claim that till now!). One of my friend said that as long as your daily schedule revolves around office and home, you should be fine. The events around you will not bother you that much. But again, is this a healthy environment to live in? It's not about the fascination of staying in US that is making me stop and rethink. There are things that are wrong in US as well but I can at least live my daily life without the perpetual fear. I have not closed the doors yet and hopefully the time to return to India will come soon. After all, where else in the world can you enjoy dhaba ka khana (roadside restaurants) while traveling on a highway or have a samosa-jalebi pitstop while walking on the road?

Apartment 1005

It is hard to imagine that we will not be staying in this apartment anymore. I submitted the notice stating that we will vacate this apartment at the end of the current lease term in August 2013. It was 2010, the year we got married and moved into this studio apartment in South Loop. I had never lived in a high-rise before. I grew up in a house that was on the ground floor and never gave a thought to what it would be like to live in a high-rise. When I walked into this studio on the 10th floor, I remember getting mobbed by so many thoughts and emotions! My first home as a married man, my first home with Neena, my first experience of high-rise and my first experience of living in a building with a 24 hrs doorman and maintenance! 

Looking down from the window, I remember thinking - "look at those tiny people and vehicles on the road!". Everything seemed like a game with a pre-destined outcome - vehicles running around on their own and stopping obediently at the traffic lights. Little men, women, children and their pets crossing the road hurriedly and going about their business. Everything was happening smoothly and systematically. I almost felt like god - looking down at the world and it's tiny inhabitants. But the minute I was back on the street, the same setting seemed so chaotic! There was noise all around with people shouting, cars honking, cars and bikes jumping lights and children running away from their parents. From the 10th floor everything seemed to be planned out and certain but walk down to the street level and you did not know what was going to happen the next moment. This was so much similar to how life goes, I wondered. When you are living your life and trying to plan things on the ground, you do not know what is going to happen the next moment. But when you zoom out and take a holistic view of your life (from above), it seems well planned and systematic. 

With one entire wall made of huge windows facing west, every evening was magical. We saw the sun set over the horizon, leaving a crimson red sky in it's wake. For the first time, I actually noticed the sun setting at different places in the west at different times of the year. The universe was alive and I was seeing it every day! After the sunset, the city beneath us transformed. What was once filled with people rushing to their offices in the morning, was taken over by neon lights garlanding the pathways through which vehicles went like a procession with their red tails high in the air. When I woke up in the middle of the night for water, I always used to stand by the window for sometime. The garlanded road was mostly deserted except for a few taxis. A couple of homeless people walked across the street to the Roosevelt train station or the #12 bus stand. Some cars stopped at the gas station opposite to our building. The 24 hours Jewel-Osco was still alive and people came out of that place with huge shopping bags. I always wonder who shops at those odd hours! Some houses still had their lights on. I could see a TV playing in a dark room. The city was surely alive even at this odd hour!

It is incredible to think that the first three years of my marriage were spent in this apartment. These walls have been witness to so many emotions, feelings and conversations that if walls could speak, they would tell the story of an ever-growing love and understanding between two people. I consider this apartment very lucky from that perspective. A female car-rental agent at Midway airport had once mentioned to both of us that the first 6 years of a married life are always the most important and difficult (yes out of all the places, a car-rental agent at the airport!). In a way, this home has given us the strength to survive 50% of that time and grow strong together. I believe having good vibes is very important and this place has excellent vibes that helped us grow as friends and lovers. We had fun cooking together in the small but cozy kitchen that was just the right size to fit the two of us :) The kitchen was the place for long conversations and unwinding after a hectic day. We used to stand there and cook and see the sun setting down over the horizon… it was just magical! 

I wish we could stay here forever and forever but nothing can remain constant forever… especially the rent! So now the market has decided that these walls, the windows, the closets, the kitchen and the view are worth more than what we can afford. We will pack all our memories, love, adventures and vibes into small boxes and move out (thankfully to a great neighborhood in Wicker Park!) soon. It is still hard to believe that 3 years have passed by so quickly. We will miss the apartment and also the great South Loop neighborhood that has developed so much in front of our eyes. Trader Joes, Flo and Santos, Pita Heaven, Nepal House, Potbelly, Yolk, Wabash Tap… we will miss them all. Both of us love to eat out and explore new places and that's why we chose the Wicker Park neighborhood! Life is too short to waste it living boringly and we don't know what will happen next moment. So we might as well enjoy an awesome egg salad sandwich at Jerry's and then some amazing home-made tiramisu at Letizia's on an evening stroll in Wicker Park. In the end, like this apartment had taught us the first day, everything works out and seems to be planned and systematic from the above :)